Honesty Hour

1. Am I in love?
Love, for me, is an outdated thing. It is something I used to do when I was a little kid. When I was freer and more innocent, I would fall in love with boy after boy, following him, imprinting his name with little hearts in my diary. But I grew up, and found that the world was not as giving as I was. I guess I have not been lucky. I don't believe in love, and I never will.

2. The last time I felt jealous, and why?
This is a general jealousy. I have had other jealousies, over love, over hate, but I will not go into those. I am jealous of people with loving families. I would see the mother play with her children, buy them treats, comfort them, and then I remember that I never had those luxuries. I always wished I had loving parents, and that I didn't have to come home to arguments and tears.

3. Am I insecure? What about?
I am not insecure about anything that I know of. I'm actually quite happy with my self-image, with my friends, with my income.

4. What my full name is.
Chan Ying On. Ying for pure, good water, both wet (like a waterfall) and dry (money), and On for peace, quiet, safe, satisfied.

5. If I forgive betrayal.
Never, not in a million years. But sometimes life is so cruel that you have to bend so much in order to get by, and so I dismiss it because I'm not strong enough to hold by myself. I will dismiss it, but I would never, ever forgive it, if I had a choice.
But there is an escape clause. The person has to be sorry, really sorry, then I may forgive him. If he shows me that it was a mistake, and that he is a good person, then I may let it go.

6. How do I treat my friends.
Like royalty. They are choosing to spend their limited time with me, so I owe them that. I will do anything for anyone who treats me well.

7. 1 thing I love unconditionally.
Myself--darling, you will always come first. You are doing so well, so strong, and so brave. I love you.

8. Biggest dream.
To be a story teller. I have always been inspired, compelled, intrigued and perplexed by the power of stories, especially good ones. Deep inside, I would like to be a writer, except I'm not very good at it at the moment. But I am a closet writer, that's for sure.

9. An idol.
Jennifer Lawrence. I love how she is happy with her image, and how she refuses to let society and the media change her. Also that she inspires other young women to have confidence. Not only is she talented and beautiful, she is strong and has good roots. I really look up to her and I hope to see more from her.

10. If I've done something I regret very much.
I don't feel regret. My parents used to beat me up unjustly and then leave me to cry it off, so I never had a sense of conscience and right and wrong. I was raised tough and brutally, so I never developed the emotions of kindness and caring. I have done many bad things, bullied people, stole things, lied, but right now, I'm just glad I survived my childhood. This is what misery does to you--it victimises you and instead of focussing on the wrong you've done, you focus on the hurt you feel. So I can say that I have both destroyed greatly and suffered greatly.

It seems that it is not God we are worshiping

If a God were just and loving…
Why must we fear him?
Afterall, who is he to raise himself above us?
Are we not also beings of value?
Would a God like to be worshiped in fear and reverence? 
If we said a bad word about him, would he stop loving us?
Would he love us more if we talked about him greatly?
Why is it that we as humankind always construct an image of God as fickle and hard to please?
In the end, it seems that it is not God we are worshiping,
But Man.

JK Rowling: The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination

President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates.

The first thing I would like to say is ‘thank you.’ Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I have endured at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and convince myself that I am at the world’s largest Gryffindor reunion.

Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can’t remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, the law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.

You see? If all you remember in years to come is the ‘gay wizard’ joke, I’ve come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step to self improvement.

Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that have expired between that day and this.

I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called ‘real life’, I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.

These may seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.

Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.

I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that would never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension. I know that the irony strikes with the force of a cartoon anvil, now.

So they hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents’ car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.

I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all the subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.

I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.

What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.

At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.

I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.

However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person’s idea of success, so high have you already flown.

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.

So given a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.

Now you might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I personally will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.

One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working at the African research department at Amnesty International’s headquarters in London.

There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.

Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to speak against their governments. Visitors to our offices included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had left behind.

I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him back to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.

And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just had to give him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country’s regime, his mother had been seized and executed.

Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.

Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard, and read.

And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.

Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.

Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s places.

Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces leads to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people’s lives simply by existing.

But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people’s lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world’s only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped change. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.

I am nearly finished. I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children’s godparents, the people to whom I’ve been able to turn in times of trouble, people who have been kind enough not to sue me when I took their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.

So today, I wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:

As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.

I wish you all very good lives. Thank you very much.

You are Important

by Chelsea Fagan
Source: Thought Catalogue

I wish I could have met everyone you know. I wish I could have been there to hear everything everyone ever said to you, from the grandiose proclamations to the offhanded commentary. I wish I could have written it all down for later speculation, saved it somewhere I would have been able to reference whenever needed. Then, at least, I would know who told you. I would know if it was one person or a hundred, a school bully from across the playground or a past love who wanted to hurt you one last time before you went your separate ways. Because someone told you — convinced you, even, and it seems not to have been so hard-won — that you are not important.

You apologize for things which are not your fault, even for things which hurt no one. You will bump into a table and mutter that you are sorry to have hurt it, you will excuse yourself. If you happened to cross a stream of particularly rude passerby, you would hold the door open for hours on end, never entering the building yourself. There is a part of you which seems embarrassed to take up space, as though you don’t deserve the things you touch, the air you breathe, the chairs you sit on. You feel as though there is always a way to be more accommodating, less of an intrusion. But you are not intruding, you know. You never are. There is a way you move, a way you take up your space in this world (the space to which each of us is entitled, never more) that makes me wish I could be more like you. I feel boisterous, even occasionally oppressive. You are always kind, always humble, always so deserving of being there.

We are undeserving. It is we who are graced by your presence, and your generosity. You feel as though you need to give more to this world to earn your keep — that your being a kind person and deferring to others is somehow not enough — but that is ridiculous. It seems that you are just one of those rare, beautiful people who err a bit on the shy side, who assume the best in people, and who always move just slightly to the side of the stage so as not to compete for the spotlight. But you should have the spotlight, it should be turned to you. Its glow should cradle your face, and there should be a round of eager applause for you being here. When you step into a coffee shop, or a party, or a crowded commuter bus — I am glad you are there.

There are those among us who will be crippled by our delusions of importance, who tend to absorb the room as we walk in and push the furniture to the sides so as to better accommodate our presence. But there are also those who feel, often from being unjustly led to believe as much at some point in early life, that they have no importance. They feel that they are a burden of some kind, and are willing to accept being treated as a bit of relatively drab set decoration. You can see in their eyes that they nearly flinch with apology at the end of declarative statements, that their opinions are always tempered in a bit of empathetic softness. They are always doing on behalf of others, putting a million kinds of happiness before their own.

But you are important. You are important in a way that many people will never acknowledge, because they are too consumed with their image in the mirror or their voice on a recording to notice that they share the world with people around them. But you are important because you are good, because you look at your surroundings with tenderness and understanding. You don’t step on flowers when you walk, you allow a housepet to come to your hand instead of roughly insisting on your touch, you leave messages and wait for people to call you back at their convenience. You treat people with respect, and so rarely ask it for yourself. But you should. Because you matter. You matter to me, you matter to the woman you held the elevator for, and you matter to the friend you listened to while they unloaded the problems the world had put on them. You are more important than you will ever know, and never let anyone tell you that your economy of words is a stinginess of character. You are overflowing with love, and we can see it from a mile away. 

EE Cummings: A Leaf Falls on Loneliness

Friday, 22nd February.

Friday, 22nd February. A week and one day after Valentine's. I remember last Thursday. My best friend woke me up telling me it's Valentine's, cuddling me all over. I freaked because suddenly my morose world was shaken upside-down inside-out into a chaotic mess because of this single act. Of love. My world is not used to kindness. It is perfectly unkind. A single beam of love shone in my world will unleash nothing less than pandemonium within its depths. And that morning, a bomb was dropped in the form of a package containing Cappuccino sachets and a heart shaped chocolate and a jar of red strawberry jam.

I told him, apologetically, submissively, "Wonderful start to Valentine's..."
"Terrible start," he corrected me, with a chuckle. Then he said, "But don't worry. We can do Valentine's again another day, if you're not ready."

If life can be summed up in one word, it would be transience. Things come and go, and there is no holding on unless we are to perish also. Too many young people have perished with clutched hands clenching skeletons of things that have been and passed.

And me? I am fossilized. If they drill a hole inside of me, they would find oil. Liquid gold. My soul would make a good fertilizer. I have held onto every emotion and memory since birth. I am heavy with anger and resentment.

But I realize that it is not happiness that is transient, but sorrow.

Because bit by bit, I watch my world lighten. With every ray of kindness, I watch my world bury the seeds in hope that one day a tree will sprout.

Now, why did I mention the date Friday the 22nd? Because I have one. Tonight.

***

Epilogue
That same night, my best friend's apartment burnt down. The electrical wiring was faulty. We only found out the morning after. We had a great night. We went to a fancy restaurant, and stayed at my flat afterwards. We woke up the next morning and as we were having breakfast, we saw the news on TV. He could've died that night. But I guess God decided to save him. God probably decided that he is too important to be killed off. I mean, there wouldn't be much of a story otherwise.

Feeling Beautiful :)

I recently stumbled upon a life motivation/philosophy blog called The Freedom Experiment and I instantly fell in love with many of the concepts that the author writes about. She had one blog entry titled 10 Tips on How to Feel Beautiful Every Day, and I just thought I would write my own list of tips that I have discovered myself.

1. Do what you love and do it always.
Life is too short to spend time on doing things you do not enjoy. I spent the entirety of my childhood striving for goals that were not even mine- they belonged to my parents and their competitiveness. I have met many people who believe that it is better to go with what they ought to do, rather than what they'd like to do. You see it in career choices all the time. There are people who choose to do subjects that would give them a good future rather than ones that they are interested in. But when I started doing what I really enjoyed, I began to realise that I wasn't working at all... I was being paid to do what I love. I have never been so happy in my life since.

2. Smile.
One time when I was overseas on holiday, I was bullied by my extended family. One night, I just had to separate myself from the others, so I stayed behind in the lounge with the TV on while the others ate dinner elsewhere. A talent show was playing during that time and one of the contestants sang "Smile". The first verse of the lyrics really got to me:
Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it’s breaking

When there are clouds in the skyyou’ll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You’ll see the sun come shining throughfor you
And that night I cried really hard. Afterwards, I learnt to bear through the last few days of my holiday even though my heart was breaking. I remember the lyrics to that song every now and then, whenever I encounter any rough spots in life. 

3. Buy yourself treats and presents all the time.
I never hesitate to buy myself nice things. It's important to realise your value and to know that your value is worth more than anything you buy yourself. My Mum always saved the scented candles and nice things that people gave us as gifts. I never save any of my gifts. I use them straightaway. Those things will depreciate in value the longer you keep them unused, but your value will never depreciate. If anything, your value needs some pampering from time to time!

4. Forgive everyone, everything.
This is something I struggle with a lot. It is almost second nature for me to keep a grudge. I keep a grudge for so many reasons- my pride, my insecurity, and my inability to talk things out. Sometimes I think I am not always the best person to be around because of the grudges that I keep. But in the end, I have to let go and forgive. It is so much healthier to forgive and in the end it makes you so much happier. 

5. Try to smell nice.
For me, smelling nice is a lot of fun and makes me feel very pampered. I have a favourite shop that I go to for all my shower gels and body products. They sell fresh, handmade body products that I love. For me, smelling nice and allowing myself to use nice shower gels is the highest form of pampering and self-love that I could give myself.

6. Dress yourself in clothes that you enjoy wearing.
This is a major confidence determiner for inconfident people. I had a period where I didn't feel like dressing up and wore my old, 'ugly' clothes. But then, one day, I decided to dress up in some nicer clothes. The difference that made in my confidence levels was amazing. I suddenly felt a lot prettier. I smiled a lot that day.

7. Fill your mind with good quotes and sayings that make you feel better and more cleansed on the inside.
I have a favourite Tumblr blog that fills my dashboard with plenty of inspiration and nice quotes. They all tell me to be happy and to look for the good in everything. They carry messages such as "you are beautiful" and "you are precious". One day, I started thinking what I was reading. I was reading something unrelated and then I suddenly felt myself think "you are beautiful". Bit by bit, these quotes pull out the weeds of negativity in your mind.

8. Be open.
It is always best to be open about how you are feeling about something, when it is necessary. It is good to let people know if you are not OK with something, because that is the only way things can change. If there is a little bit of self-respect you could afford yourself, you will achieve it by being open and telling others what you think. 

9. Be happy.
John Lennon once said that he wanted to be 'happy' when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up. Happiness is the key to life. Being happy is a constant in life. Sometimes you are sad but it never lasts. But your happiness lasts. In the end, it is not what we did wrong that matters, it is what we did right. So always cherish your happy memories. Set your happiness in stone, and your sadness in sand.

10. Be loved.
Take every opportunity you can to accept the love that other people give you. Smile at the things they say to you and laugh when they joke with you. Hug them back when they hold their arms out. In our daily interactions we come across so many people who love us so much. Always accept the love that you get. One day you will realise the value of that love and just how much you deserve it.

In Buddhsim, they say that it is a greater show of strength to be soft than to be hard. One of the teachings for Buddhists is to be as flexible and soft as water, rather than to be hard as a rock. Water can flow past rocks and obstacles, but water can also be fierce and imposing in the form of waves and tsunamis. There goes a quote that says, "Do not let life make you hard... instead let your lessons teach you to be a better and kinder person."

55 gentle ways to take care of yourself when you’re busy busy busy (From Thefreedomexperiment.com)

We all have times in our lives when we just have too much stuff going on. There are always deadlines, exams, due dates and just too many priorities to juggle. And when everything is going wrong, the world is screaming for your attention and you just don’t have time – the last thing you need to hear is to “just take a day off”. So here are 55 gentle ways you can take care of yourself when you’re pressed for time and attention. Enjoy! 

Say no to anything that is not important to you

Laundry, phone calls with your mom, demanding girlfriends – this is not the time to be nice and “responsible”. Give yourself the permission to focus on what’s important. Getting the unessential responsibilites off your schedule will not only create som extra time and space, it will also lighten the burden you’re feeling to keep up with it.

Ask for help

There’s nothing wrong with asking for help, and you’ll quickly learn that most people around you actually love to be asked! It makes them feel useful and important. What usually helps the most is to get help to do the normal things; cooking, shopping and regular every-day tasks. However, don’t underestimate how important the people in your life can be when it comes to feedback, motivation and supporting your self-confidence regarding the important work you’re doing.

Get enough sleep

An oldie, but a goodie. This old advice is not only essential when it comes to self-care, it is also absolutely essential when it comes to being able to do your best. Particularly important when it comes to exam periods and work stress, sleep will help you achieve. It’s easy to think that a few extra hours of work will do you more good, but it won’t. Sleep will.

Drink tea

Coffee will only get you that far, before it sends you down into tiredness again. While still being hot and comforting, tea (and especially the herbal kind) won’t make you dehydrated and shaky. If you’re feeling tired and think you need a coffeine boost, go for cold water (or iced tea) instead. Cold water will help wake you up!

Listen to your favourite music

Calm music will help you calm down and upbeat music will help you up your game. Pick music that won’t distract you (like music without lyrics or in a foreign language). Your favourite music will boost your mood and keep you happy, no matter how tired you are.

Eat healthy and green food

I know it’s tempting to order pizza, but it really pays off to take your time to cook and eat nutritious and healthy food. Not only will it help you achieve better, it will also boost your mood! I truly recommend heading over to The Stonesoup for some quick and easy recipes. Most of these recipes can be made in less than 10 minutes!

Take 5 minutes in the morning to just stretch and breathe

If you start your day in a stressful way, you’ll probably feel stressed for the rest of the day as well. Make sure your morning starts with 5 minutes of silence and ease. Stand up and stretch your body to make you as tall as you can be. Then bend over and touch the ground. Stretch again. Try to just feel your body and pay attention to your breath. Starting the day in a way like this will make you more relaxed as well!

Walk everywhere

You might be busy and think that every minute is valuable time to put into your work, but some extra minutes of walking might be a better way to spend some time. If you live close to where you’re going, it’s better to walk than to use public transport (or your car). Not only will the exercise be good for you, you also get some important fresh air and daylight. If you have to commute, get off public transport one or two stops too early, or park your car further away than usual. The extra minutes of fresh air will save you lots of time when you start working and feel more focused.

Take 5-minute mini-breaks every hour

You can’t stay focused all the time. No matter how efficient you work, you’ll always get distracted, let your mind wander or end up spending time reading e-mail (and blogs) instead. A better way to spend this time is to get up from your chair, walk outside and take a 5-minute break. The change of place, the change of physical posture and the movement will make it easier to start again when your break is over. You’ll also give your brain a chance to relax and process information, which is essential for your well-being.

Break your self-care habits into smaller tasks and do one each day

No need to look like you’re constantly running after your life, even if you are! Just break up your routine into smaller, and more achievable chunchs. Shave your legs one day, paint your nails the next day, wash your hair the day after, etc. This approach also works with keeping your house tidy – just do one little chore every day and you’ll stay on top of everything more easily.

Make a plan of everything that needs to be done

Instead of juggling all your to-do’s and must-remember’s, write them down on a piece of paper. Then make a plan of how you are going to manage everything before your deadline. You may have to schedule a lot of tasks on certain days, and it may seem like too much to do, but at least you’ll know that everything will get done. Make sure you stick to the plan, every single day. Don’t fall for the temptation to start on tomorrow’s tasks today, trust that the plan will take you there, and enjoy some free time on the days when you finish your tasks early.

Make sure you keep in touch with your friends

Just a few text messages, tweets or the occational coffee will make sure your friendships don’t suffer. You will feel much better when you focus on something else entirely, and it will prevent you form becoming a workaholic hermit. You don’t have to keep in touch with everybody, most people will understand that you’re having a busy period. Just make sure you stay in touch with the people that make you happy and inspired.

Make room for rest

This one’s important. Make sure that whenever you plan to rest – really rest. That means that you will have to make a conscious effort to push all work-related thoughts and worries away. It’s also important that you rest your mind as well as your body. 5 minutes of stillness is better than 30 minutes in front of the TV!

Surround yourself with inspiring photos

Put up some of your favourite photos where you can see them when you work. Whenever you get unfocused, you will feel much better if you can rest your eyes on something pretty, rather than everything that reminds you of how busy you are. If you can’t put up photos at work or in a study hall, bring a scrapbook or use Pinterest on your computer.

Write a daily gratitude list

A daily gratitude list is really helpful to shift your focus and help you appreciate the situation. It doesn’t have to be long, a few sentences will do. If you keep a gratitude journal, you can also look back on your previous entries whenever you need a little boost of happiness and motivation.

Spend your lunchtime as sacred you-time

… and enjoy your healthy food with a little journaling, blog-reading, or people-watching. See it as a way to nourish your soul on several levels. It’s important to eat, but it’s equally important to be inspired, creative, silly, whimsical and happy.

Write a worry-list

Stress makes us more vulnerable, and worry can be a nasty side-effect of a busy period. If you find yourself worrying a lot, it’s a good idea to write a daily worry-list. Whenever you catch a worrying thought, write it down and save it for later. Spend 5 minutes in the morning and 5-minutes in the evening worrying about whatever you put on your list. It may sound simple, but postponing your worry will actually make it less worrying whenever you sit down and actually think about it in peace and quiet.

Take a run or a long walk

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Any sort of excercise will release endorophins, your body will thank you + it clears your head so you can focus on all the important work that lies ahead.

Keep a planner and shedule no-appointments time

To make your life less chaotic, it’s a good practice to keep a planner. Make sure you write down every single appointment, to save yourself from unwanted surprises and missed meetings. Just remember to schedule time for yourself. Honor your appointment with yourself just as much as you would keep an appointment with anyone else. Just make sure you schedule time with yourself first – anyone else needs to come in second in your life.

Keep track of your achievements

It may seem like you’re never going to get over a busy period, which is why you should keep a list of achievements close at any time.Whenever you hit a milestone – write it down! It will be very useful when you’re feeling tired by the end of the day and know that you still have several more hours of work before you can call it a day.

Wear your pretty clothes

… and be busy with style! If you dress nicely, chances are you’ll feel better too. All it takes is 5 minutes in the morning, and with your most powerful, wonderful and pretty clothes on, you’ll feel like a million for the rest of the day.

Go to a yoga class

…Or do some yoga at home. Even ten minutes of savasana is better than nothing, and will recharge your batteries (and your mind).

Take a hot bath

Nothing helps you relax like a hot bath. Use your favourite bubbles, turn off the light, light some candles and you’re good to go. One hour in the bath in the evening may be the best way to relax because of this simple fact – you can’t take your work and your computer with you.

Light candles

Candles have a relaxing effect, especially gently scented ones. If you can’t light candles in your workplace, make sure you light them when you get home. Lavender and cedarwood are scents that can help you relax.

Write support-thoughts and affirmations

Support-thoughts are thougths written down when you’re calm, that can support you when you are really busy and tired. For example, a gentle reminder of why you’re doing all the work, a short pep-talk, or a reminder of how wonderful you are is an amaxing way of taking care of yourself.

Craft an emotional emergency plan

Ideally, you should have this written down before you enter a really busy period. If everything goes wrong, and you’re maxed out, panicky or just plain exhausted – who do you call? what do you do? where do you go? Planning this in advance is self-care on a high level.

Breathe

Do I need to say more? When stress builds up, take five seconds off and just breathe. Deep.

Do something silly

Don’t forget to have fun! Who said you can’t laugh, even though you’re busy! Make jokes, engage with you co-workers, read comics and just allow yourself to be silly for a little while. I promise it wil boost your mood, your co-workers’ moods and a little laughter every day will help you through a really challenging time.

Single-task

Now is not the time to play superwoman. Be nice to yourself and let your brain tackle one task at a time. Rumours have it that this is more productive in the long run…

Read Focus by Leo Babauta

This book is quick to read (and there’s a free version!) and it will change your work habits and make it much easier to be you. Enough said.

Take the last evening off

The last night before your big D(r)eadline is the night to relax. Panicking in the last minute isn’t a very good way of taking care of yourself. And you don’t want to oversleep on your exam day, have dark circles under your eyes on presentation day or distroy everything in the last minute because you spent the last night cramming. Take the last evening (or even the last day) off and relax. You’ve done your best, there’s nothing more you can do. Pat yourself on your back – you made it.

Keep a tidy workspace

It will make you more focused, relaxed and less overwhelmed.

Create some routines

When work or studies take all your focus, it can be useful to create some new habits or routines to take some of the burden off your back. Make it a habit to cook a larger batch of dinner on day 1, and eat leftovers for the next two days. Use Sundays to prepare what to wear for the next couple of days. Wear your hair in a ponytail five days in a row. This is not the time to expect yourself to find lots of different and exciting outfits, hairdo’s or recipes.

Write things down

When you’re mind is working over-time, let it relax by helping yourself remember everything. Write down any ideas, to-do’s, must-remember’s and other things you have to remember. This way, you don’t have to carry the additional stress of remembering everything you need to remember.

Accept a little clutter and mess

Just let it be. Some dust and a little dirt has never hurt anyone. Focus on what’s important to you, you can always clean up the mess later. Just don’t go around and feel bad about it on top of everything else!

Allow your emotions to come to the surface

If you’re tired and sad, cry it all out. If you’re stressed, don’t try to put on a mask and hide it. Get it all out, all the frustration, the overwhelm, the anger and the fear. You’ll feel much better after.

Honor your limits

Set some limits and stick with them. A lot of tasks when we’re busy don’t have a set limit, like when you’re studying and being creative. It’s easy to feel like you’re never quite done. Set some clear limits for yourself and honor them. Say to yourself; “when the time is up, I’m DONE”.

Take the weekends completely off

If you’re under constant pressure over an extended period of time, it’s good practice to keep the weekends completely sacred. This means no work e-mail or calls, no appointments or catching up.

Gather your support group

Call your mother and ask her to help you take care of the house, tell your girlfriends what you’re dealing with, seek out others in the same situation as you, and make sure your partner is on your team. Not only can they help with practical tasks, they will give you lot’s of moral support and you’ll feel less alone.

Outsource

Outsource what you can, for example your home cleaning, laundry or bookeeping.

Delegate

If you’re working on a team – make sure you don’t try to do everything yourself, delegate as much as you can to lighten your load.

Get more sunlight

Especially if your busy period is happening in winter, make sure you get your daily dose of sunlight if you’re spending a lot of time in gloomy libraries and workplaces.

Take your vitamins

This won’t even take you a minute – just go for a multivitamin paired with your breakfast. Especially important if you’re eating a lot of processed and unhealthy foods when you’re busy, but remember that vitamins don’t make up for an unhealthy diet.

Eat fresh fruit and vegetables

Keep some fruits and nuts close by and snack when you’re hungry. Don’t forget the veg, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes and carrots are great snacks!

Use scented oils in the shower

Lavender to relax, or a little peppermint to wake you up – all you need is a drop or two of essential oil in the shower.

Resist the urge to be productive all the time

You can’t be equally productive every single waking moment, so you might as well schedule some off time right away. Be nice to yourself and don’t expect to accomplish as much in the late evening as you do in the morning.

Limit your media consumption

… because your brain can only process a limited amount of information. When you need your focus to be on work, don’t overflow your brain with tv news, newspapers, magazines and books.

Meditate in the morning

Ten minutes of stillness can make all the difference.

Block out distractions

Need to get some work done? Consider to pull out your internet cable, switch off your phone and lock the door. If only for a few hours, you won’t miss out on anything, and you’ll feel a lot better afterwards.

Compliment yourself

Positive self-speech can seriously impact your mood. Instead of adding to the monkey-brain thoughts of not good enough, too stressed and panic – tell yourself you look good, that you’re doing great and that you can manage everything that comes your way.

Do the dreaded tasks first

There are always tasks you’ll love to do more than others, and it’s tempting to do those first. However, it’s a good idea to do the hardest tasks first. That way, you’ll save yourself from all the dread!

Brighten your day with colourful pencils and pretty stationery

It doesn’t have to cost much, but it will make a huge impact on your happiness – especially if you’re a stationery and design geek… (well, who isn’t?)

Reward yourself

Maybe not the best overall habit to get used to, but desperate times call for desperate measures. If you need it to get through – reward yourself with gifts, chocolate and breaks whenever you finish a task. Just don’t make it a habit to kick yourself if you don’t make it. Maybe you need the treat anyways?

Postpone all major decisions

… This is not the time to move houses, quit your day job or break up with your spouse (however tempting any of those changes are). Save the big stuff for when you’re calmer and can think clearer.

Accept yourself as you are

Let yourself off the hook and accept that you are only human. You are doing your absolute best, and you are doing exactly what you need to do. Trust your instincts and keep doing whatever you’re doing. You don’t need to change anything about yourself – trust that you are perfect just the way you are.

I wish you a happy, bustling time -
hope you achieve everything you dream of and more!

Do you focus enough on yourself when the world is screaming for your attention? What are your best self-care tips that are not on the list?

(Source: www.thefreedomexperiment.com)

The Untold Story of Thildza and Simpson: The Told (Part 1)

Thildza and Simpson were best friends. They lived close to each other in the countryside. They loved to chase each other in the fields. They would stay by each other's side until the sun went down, and even as the night set in and the stars came out, they would climb to the barn's rooftop and watch the night sky. Oftentimes, Thildza's Mother had to carry the sleeping children down from the barn and put them into their beds when they fell asleep on the rooftop. Such was the friendship of Thildza and Simpson. People say the majesty of the Universe is revealed when the sun goes down, and those who knew Thildza and Simpson could only agree.
But one day, a monstrosity took over their happy, young lives.
"You're growing up, now," said Thildza's Mother to her one day. "And that means you must go to school."
"No, Mother!" begged Thildza but to no avail.
And thus ends the story of Thildza and Simpson. For now.

The Untold Story of Thildza and Simpson: Thildza (Part 2)

Thildza dragged her feet on the shiny linoleum of the school hall.
The school principal pitter-pattered beside her, trying to start friendly conversation.
"You're from the country, are you?" he asked, his short legs moving fast.
"Yes, I am." answered Thildza softly. Thildza wished she were not at school, at all. She wanted to be running on the fields.
After a short while, they reached a large wooden door with the number 13 in metal nailed onto it. The principal stopped walking and knocked on the door.
"Come in!" a bossy, coarse female voice replied from inside. Thildza gulped as the principal opened the wooden door, and motioned Thildza inside.
"Good luck," he whispered to her, and then walked away. Thildza turned around to face the classroom and the owner of the voice she had heard from within.

That day Thildza turned around to face not just the classroom but also her greatest fear at that point in time. In life, we tend to trust that good things stay and that it's not allowed of Life to take it away from us. She never imagined that she would be taken out of her beloved countryside and made to come to school every day. Well, she didn't like it. Not one bit.

Perfect Lovers

 

Felix Gonzalez-Torres - Perfect Lovers (1987-91)

"This work means a lot to me. Years back when I first read the title of it I wondered how the artist could imagine “perfect lovers” as being two persons perfectly in sync with one another all the time. No lovers are. Then I read more into it and found out the story, and since thenPerfect Lovers has been one of my most favorite works of art of all time. 

The artist made Perfect Lovers subsequent to the death of his partner, Ross, who battled AIDS throughout their almost ten-year relationship.

The two identical battery-operated clocks were synchronized and set side by side in the gallery. In the course of the exhibit, the clocks inevitably fell out of sync. The batteries of one of the clocks expired while the other ticked on. The clocks being identical in shape is a subtle allusion to homosexuality."

(Source: http://likeafieldmouse.tumblr.com)

Couture Cupcakes

Theme: Couture

Lettering Font: Couture (replicate of CHANEL's brand font)

The Letters

First, I printed out the letters DAPHNE'S 22ND in block form and then cut them out. I rolled white fondant and traced the cutout letters with a sharp knife. I let the letters dry out so that it becomes hard. I used Cake Decorators Edible Paint in Antique Gold to paint over the letters. 

The Cupcakes

I used Devil's Food cake mix for the cupcakes. Turns out that there is enough cake batter for way more than 12 cupcakes! I accidentally over-filled the cupcake cases so the cakes ended up being a bit too large. Problem solved: I have a few large, red cases in stock so I placed each cupcake on top of one.

I also placed a surprise inside each case! I hope they enjoyed it :)

The Decorations

I researched 'couture' and got some ideas for the decorations. I mainly tried to replicate, using buttercream, dresses that I found associated with high fashion, such as Vera Wang and Chanel. In my opinion the cupcakes ended up looking like how people in the city dress in The Hunger Games. 

A love story.

Death stared into Life's eyes, and said, "I love you." Then he kissed her.

And together, they did great things. 

***

Grief

A mother lay by her sick son's bedside. He was sickly pale and sweating. The door opened. The doctor came in and sat down beside the mother. 

"How has he been?" The doctor whispered gravely to the woman, a figure so frail and small, made worse by sleep deprivation and hunger.

She didn't reply, but a tear sliding down her cheek told it all.

***

Poverty

The small child struggled with the bail of water this time-- his leg was sore from injuring it the night before. He was careless, he dropped the logs. Nevermind, nearly there. He dragged himself with the water bucket hanging from a log straddled across his shoulders.

He finally made his way towards a small mud-hut at the edge of the village and entered. His younger sisters were strewn across the dirty floor, not moving, only staring.

"What took you so long?" one of the sisters whispered.

In a corner, a baby wailed, hungry for food.

***

Greed

The man shouted at his cook: "Did you steal the chicken?"

She did not answer, but replied with a look full of fear and hatred. She had been abused for too long. She decided that if they do not fire her, she will resign herself.

"ANSWER ME!" The man was furious. "I put 16 chicken wings in, there are only 15. What happened to the last one?"

The cook's look remained, seething and full of fury herself.

The man stomped out of the kitchen, and made his way to his desk. He pulled out her employment contract, and scribbled on the bottom: Terminated. Another one. This family prides themselves on getting rid of workers.

Something in the drawer caught his eye. Below the cook's employment papers were a set of papers; his company's financial papers for the last financial term. He took them out and turned the pages--for the tenth time that week since they were released. His eyes scanned the figures, and they danced with pleasure. His company was leading in all departments; they had made millions more this year than last year.

I am invincible, the man thought to himself. 

***

Revenge

Her smile was sweet, and her hair shone in the sun. He remembered their wedding day, and how she had red hair. Red, the colour of strawberries, she insisted. My favourite colour.

Alright, he had said of her bizarre choice. And he dyed his hair red too, to match.

Then one night, he remembered coming home from the fire-station to find a bloodied body lying on the bed. The night was a blur; he remembered the police coming into the house, weeks of investigation, a post-mortem. Rape? He remembered asking, not quite believing the officer yet he knew that she had been raped before being hacked to death by an axe.

“…Sentenced to life imprisonment for the murder of Mr. Quinn McCawl on the 12^th of May, 1996.” The pound of the judge’s gavel woke the man out of his daydream.

Red, the colour of blood, he had thought before setting off to find his young wife’s murderer.

***

Jealousy

The old Concubine knew that she was dying. One afternoon, she invited the Second Concubine to tea.

“Meixiang, you look very beautiful today.” The First Concubine told the Second.

“Thank you very much,” she replied, blushing. She was young and beautiful, and had a sweet voice whose singing the Emperor listened to every night before going to sleep.

The First Concubine went into the kitchen to prepare the tea. She made sure her body was covering the cups before slipping a vial of poison into the Second Concubine’s tea. She turned around and smiled.

“Let’s drink.” She said.

***

Love

The little girl signed to the deaf boy: I love you. He began to cry. The little girl signed: What’s the matter? The boy signed back to her: You’re beautiful.

Ten years later, they were walking home from school together, when the girl suddenly burst into tears. What’s wrong? The boy signed. The girl lifted her shirt and showed him a bruise across her hip.

Another ten years. The man held her hand tight as she screamed in labour. What shall we call her? He signed to his wife when he visited her bedside later that day. She’s beautiful, she signed. He smiled.

Ten years after that. He kissed her forehead as he did every night before going to bed. I love you, he signed although he knew that his severely disabled wife would not be able to see. A car accident while driving Beautiful to school left her brain damaged and paralysed from the neck down.

Ten years later. The hospital staff restrained the man as he let out a painful moan. He tore at the walls and his feet scraped the floor. Beautiful tried to sign to her Father: Dad. Just let go.

***

Forgiveness

She opened the door, and standing there, was her estranged father, who she hadn’t seen for many years. She felt a lump in her throat; fear even. Her mind flashed back: a hand hitting down onto her back; harsh words; tears; shouting. Oh God, why is this happening. She looked at him and said, “Hi.”

She opened the door, and standing there, was her puppy; tail wagging, panting.

“Hello, you!” She exclaimed, and bent down and picked her up. The dog licked her face, and wriggled in her arms. She took the lead from the old man who held it, and she smiled.

“Was she good today?” She asked the man, and she helped him into the house.

“I’d say so.” He replied, “But a little naughty when playing fetch. Wouldn’t give me back the ball.”

He laughed and she led him into the kitchen, where dinner was ready.

***

Gratitude

The little girl whispered: “Thanks God for everything.”

“You’re going to Heaven, my sweet,” whispered her mother as she switched off the bedside light.

“Would Jesus be happy to see me?” she asked.

“He’d be overjoyed to see you,” the mother replied.

“I love you,” whispered the girl, before falling into a deep slumber, dreaming of princesses and fairies.

That night, she passed away. She was found in the morning with a smile still on her face.

***

Mercy

The samurai looked into the eyes of his victim, and he saw the fear in them. He released his sword and threw it to the ground.

“Run!” He told the boy, and pointed to the woods. The boy looked at him, and ran off.

He remembered his Father’s words to him when he was caught beating his dog many years ago.

Every living being deserves a second chance, his Father had said to him. Including you.

***

"You were the best thing that ever happened to me," Death told Life.

"And you, mine," Life replied.


They raised their wine glasses to their lips, and drank.